Ping-Pong

I found out last Friday that I am a lip reader. I really had no idea. I thought I was hearing people. The audiologist at my cochlear implant consultation pointed out that no, I was not hearing her. She did a little test...and lo and behold, she's right. I thought I just heard better if I was looking at people and paying attention. Not true; I have to see your mouth.

Tuesday night is "small group" night. That's church-speak for ladies' Bible study. I love the ladies in my group. We've been together for over 5 years. We're a very diverse group-all from different backgrounds and all having gone through the glitches that life seems to throw at us. We have some rules--things like "What's said in group stays in group." My favorite rule is "Speak up for Lisa." That was our rule back when I wasn't nearly as deaf as I am now. That was back when speaking up was enough.

Now, I'm a lipreader. This does me no good at all with our current series that is on CD as it's not captioned. Ugh! But that's just a small part of the lesson and the information is in the book. This was the second meeting since my hearing plummeted in March (to the profound range). We are a chatty group and everyone always has something great to add to the discussion...I just wish I knew who was next. My eyes dart around the room, trying to determine the speaker....got her! Oops, missed the first few lines...oops, her hand is in front of her mouth, rats! Oh, too far across the room,  can't see that one either. OK, I can make out 4 of 7 mouths. It's exhausting...jerking my head around, trying to follow the conversation...fighting for every word I understand. Oh, to sit in a room and just listen...to take hearing for granted again.

I told my friends at the end of the night what a struggle it was to follow...how hard I worked for every word. They pretty much knew when I gave up (probably checking my messages on my phone was a dead giveaway). I'm not sure what I expected by telling them I understood maybe 10% of the night. What I got instead should not have surprised me...but wow! It touched my heart...My small group was strategizing how we could could sit differently or closer to make my lipreading easier next time. I didn't even think to ask that, which is strange for me as I'm a big self-advocator. Sometimes I think I'm putting people out too much to tell them what I really need. What I learned tonight is this: the people who care about us don't feel put out when we tell them what would help us. They have no idea unless we speak up. Sometimes to us it might feel like an inconvenience to ask for some accommodation, but for those who care about us, it's a way for them to show they love us. Speak up! Our loved ones read minds about as well as we hear!