Feeling the love...

What is a sound relationship?

What makes it sound? For each of us, this is answered differently, but should have the common denominator: love.

How do you express love? What does it take for you to feel loved? Is this different now that one partner in your “sound relationship” is deaf? Or, is it perhaps manifested differently? Personally, I am not different; I’m the same on the inside—same needs, same feelings—I just need to communicate differently, which obviously impacts my hearing spouse.

What do I mean? Author Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The 5 Love Languages. The premise of the book is that we all express and feel love in different ways—often not the same way as our partner.

Here are the “languages” with a brief description:

·         Words of affirmation—using words to build one another up

·         Acts of service—doing tasks for one another

·         Receiving gifts—feeling the love with a token of affection

·         Quality time—enjoying time spent together

·         Physical touch—an appropriate touch speaks volumes

Does your love language change if you are deaf? No—but if deafness has come later into the marriage, perhaps you need to change. For example, my love language is quality time. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re yakking while doing it. But now, I can’t understand my husband unless I am looking straight at him. So, we have to adjust while doing projects, walking, etc. We’ve had to find a new “quality time” activity: we’re learning sign language together. My husband’s language is physical touch. This isn’t just the obvious—it is needing to feel “loved on” by having me scratch his back or rub his shoulders…or just touch his cheek as I walk by. He also feels loved by words of affirmation (especially if he catches me bragging about him to someone else). That would never make me feel loved, as I’m too deaf to ever know he did it. We are different; we’ve always been different. My new hearing loss only brings a new level of “differentness,” requiring a few adjustments in how we say “I love you.”

People change, marriages, change, and for some, hearing changes. How are you doing keeping up with all of the changes? If you’re committed to a loving, for-the-long-haul marriage, is it time to change something in the way you communicate your love? Your sound relationship might depend on it.