Friends-Five Minute Friday

Today I am overwhelmed by the love of my friends.



Friends since we were 18!



I have a progressive hearing loss and am profoundly deaf now. Deafness separates you from people, and I have missed spending good time with my friends. I look at every situation via the "will I be able to hear" lens.

My hearing took a sharp turn south about 6 weeks ago, and the doctor suggested I might be a candidate for a cochlear implant. One small problem...my insurance doesn't cover it--they said so when I asked.

So I told a few of my friends. The gals in my Bible study. A prayer group I belong to. My BFFs from college. My best friend. Most of
them don't know each other...but they have one thing in common: they pray.


New friends!



My friends prayed for me. They prayed for the insurance company to approve this very expensive procedure. When they said they would pray, I figured it was a lost cause because, let's face it, insurance companies do whatever they want.

Today the doctor called to let us know the procedure was approved. My head is spinning--I'm in shock! I have seen God move--I have seen Him perform miracles for others...but not really for me--nothing of this magnitude. I am in awe.


Been through a lot with BFF Amy!


I shouldn't be surprised. After all, God said in Jer. 32:27  “I am the LORD, the God of all people. Nothing is too difficult for me."

I am praising God today for his mercy and provision, but mostly, for my friends.

This is a link to Five Minute Fridays

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Feeling the love...

What is a sound relationship?

What makes it sound? For each of us, this is answered differently, but should have the common denominator: love.

How do you express love? What does it take for you to feel loved? Is this different now that one partner in your “sound relationship” is deaf? Or, is it perhaps manifested differently? Personally, I am not different; I’m the same on the inside—same needs, same feelings—I just need to communicate differently, which obviously impacts my hearing spouse.

What do I mean? Author Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The 5 Love Languages. The premise of the book is that we all express and feel love in different ways—often not the same way as our partner.

Here are the “languages” with a brief description:

·         Words of affirmation—using words to build one another up

·         Acts of service—doing tasks for one another

·         Receiving gifts—feeling the love with a token of affection

·         Quality time—enjoying time spent together

·         Physical touch—an appropriate touch speaks volumes

Does your love language change if you are deaf? No—but if deafness has come later into the marriage, perhaps you need to change. For example, my love language is quality time. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, as long as we’re yakking while doing it. But now, I can’t understand my husband unless I am looking straight at him. So, we have to adjust while doing projects, walking, etc. We’ve had to find a new “quality time” activity: we’re learning sign language together. My husband’s language is physical touch. This isn’t just the obvious—it is needing to feel “loved on” by having me scratch his back or rub his shoulders…or just touch his cheek as I walk by. He also feels loved by words of affirmation (especially if he catches me bragging about him to someone else). That would never make me feel loved, as I’m too deaf to ever know he did it. We are different; we’ve always been different. My new hearing loss only brings a new level of “differentness,” requiring a few adjustments in how we say “I love you.”

People change, marriages, change, and for some, hearing changes. How are you doing keeping up with all of the changes? If you’re committed to a loving, for-the-long-haul marriage, is it time to change something in the way you communicate your love? Your sound relationship might depend on it.

Jumping in!

    On Fridays, I like to participate in a group blogging effort called Five Minute Fridays. Today's topic is "jump."

Since my progressive hearing loss took a southward turn in March, I've been trying to figure out what is next for me. This has required some "jumping in" to test the waters. Here are a few things I've jumped into:

Finding other people like me. The internet is full of them! I have joined several facebook groups for later-deafened adults. Some lost hearing progressively, others lost it suddenly. It's not so much that misery loves company, but that others have traveled the road and can help each other figure out resources, etc.

Exploring cochlear implant options. I have met with a surgeon who says I qualify. We are working for insurance approval now. This is a huge step, and one that I will jump cautiously into...if the insurance gives me the go-ahead. If they say no, I will probably jump into a media circus!


Learning (re-learning?) sign language. I need to improve my communication options. The irony for me is that I have a degree in deaf education...but that was 30 years ago and my sign language skills never were very good. I am going to deaf meet-ups to practice signing, working through an online class, and toying with the idea of a summer immersion class at Gallaudet (deaf university in DC). I'm having so much fun...remembering signs and why I studied deaf ed to begin with.

Considering a career change. This new deafness didn't land on me randomly. There's a purpose for everything. Could it be I'm supposed to get back in deaf ed? I am exploring my options there...if God has a plan for me (and I know He does--He said so: Jer. 29:11 "plans for good, not for disaster..."), then I need to be open to figuring out what is next. I'm excited to figure this out.

Staying positive. OK, this is hard for me...my senior class prophesy has always bothered me: "...will write the book the power of negative thinking..." ugh. I'm a realist. The reality here is I am deaf. Deaf is better than many things..(i.e. death, divorce, cancer). Why is this happening? I have no idea..but it's permanent and it's part of who I am. This didn't catch God unaware while He was busy taking care of someone else. So, I am looking for the good in it and moving forward. What is the good? So far I have realized: my husband is the greatest human I know, my mother (also lost hearing) is one of the smartest people I know, and many, many people love me and are happy to repeat themselves over and over.

As things happen in our lives, we can curl up in a ball and cry, "Woe is me!" or we can embrace them and say, "How big is my God that He would trust me with this!" I'm choosing to jump in on this one and trust that He is far bigger than a little problem like deafness. What is He trusting you with? What do you need to jump in and embrace today? Can you trust Him enough to let go and jump?

Five Minute Friday--Here

I've been thinking about "here" lately. More precisely, I've been thinking about the homophone "hear," because I can't. But the two are related.

There is a tendency to get caught up in the "if only-s" of life or the "when-s." When the baby is weaned, life will be easier. When the toddler is potty trained, life will be better. When the kids start school, I can come up for air. When my husband gets a job, I won't be as stressed. Before long, you realize you've wished your life away. Instead, we need to live "here." Find contentedness in where you are right here, right now. The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13: I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

 Have we learned that? Have I? What is your "here" that you struggle with? My "here" is that I find myself to be a (very young) 50 year old woman who has recently lost her hearing. I am worried about keeping my job, getting the insurance company to approve a cochlear implant, getting people to repeat themselves, one day hearing my grandchildren, learning sign language.....the list goes on. Yet (and this is the really great part), my friend Cindy reminds me that even with imperfect (or really cruddy) hearing, I can still hear my shepherds voice. That's good stuff! So, I choose to live here--where life is imperfect, struggles continue, and problems exist. This is what we're called to do; one day, we'll be there, where all is perfect, there are no struggles, and problems do not exist. That's good news! But for now, I am here, and excited at the prospect of figuring out how to make the best of my here.

How are you doing with your here?

You talk with your hands...

I figured that if I'm going to be deaf, I need to broaden my communication options, so toward that end, I'm working on picking up ASL. Back in another life, I earned a degree in deaf education, and with that came several sign language classes. I was once  level 1 interpreter certified (which meant I knew enough to get by, but I wasn't very good). My friend, Jeff, is taking a signing class at UGA and offered to practice with me. We had his family over last night, and he shared what he'd learned in class. Fortunately, it was pretty basic stuff that I already knew. I'm going to join the class for ASL II this summer. I was glad to realize I don't need to go back to square one.

In the meantime, another facebook deaf friend shared an online sign language class she'd discovered: ASL University. Ironically, I think the UGA professor gets her course outline from here, as the information was exactly the same. =)

I'm looking into a summer immersion sign language class at Gallaudet, which would beyond amazing. Unfortunately...it's $$$ and then there's the housing issue. Where there's a will there's a way. My other summer opportunities haven't panned out, so there's plenty of free time!

Deafness, if it's all you've lived, is one thing...being deafened later in life requires a regrouping--a "figure it out" mentality. I'm not sure what's next for me...I know there are some great people and great resources to make the journey easier. I'm excited about figuring out what is ahead for me in my deaf life.

Ping-Pong

I found out last Friday that I am a lip reader. I really had no idea. I thought I was hearing people. The audiologist at my cochlear implant consultation pointed out that no, I was not hearing her. She did a little test...and lo and behold, she's right. I thought I just heard better if I was looking at people and paying attention. Not true; I have to see your mouth.

Tuesday night is "small group" night. That's church-speak for ladies' Bible study. I love the ladies in my group. We've been together for over 5 years. We're a very diverse group-all from different backgrounds and all having gone through the glitches that life seems to throw at us. We have some rules--things like "What's said in group stays in group." My favorite rule is "Speak up for Lisa." That was our rule back when I wasn't nearly as deaf as I am now. That was back when speaking up was enough.

Now, I'm a lipreader. This does me no good at all with our current series that is on CD as it's not captioned. Ugh! But that's just a small part of the lesson and the information is in the book. This was the second meeting since my hearing plummeted in March (to the profound range). We are a chatty group and everyone always has something great to add to the discussion...I just wish I knew who was next. My eyes dart around the room, trying to determine the speaker....got her! Oops, missed the first few lines...oops, her hand is in front of her mouth, rats! Oh, too far across the room,  can't see that one either. OK, I can make out 4 of 7 mouths. It's exhausting...jerking my head around, trying to follow the conversation...fighting for every word I understand. Oh, to sit in a room and just listen...to take hearing for granted again.

I told my friends at the end of the night what a struggle it was to follow...how hard I worked for every word. They pretty much knew when I gave up (probably checking my messages on my phone was a dead giveaway). I'm not sure what I expected by telling them I understood maybe 10% of the night. What I got instead should not have surprised me...but wow! It touched my heart...My small group was strategizing how we could could sit differently or closer to make my lipreading easier next time. I didn't even think to ask that, which is strange for me as I'm a big self-advocator. Sometimes I think I'm putting people out too much to tell them what I really need. What I learned tonight is this: the people who care about us don't feel put out when we tell them what would help us. They have no idea unless we speak up. Sometimes to us it might feel like an inconvenience to ask for some accommodation, but for those who care about us, it's a way for them to show they love us. Speak up! Our loved ones read minds about as well as we hear!

After...(5 minute Friday)

After 28 years of marriage, 3 kids, multiple dogs, college, graduations, etc..etc..etc..I found myself often discontent. After all this time, after the kids leave, then what? I look at the man I'd married and I wondered what I'd feel after the last kiddo left (which was fast approaching). We were at 2 gone, one to go.

After numerous bouts of unemployment and underemployment, I found myself so frustrated with him. After all this time, why couldn't he build a career, support the family, make some money? After 28 years, I found myself not trusting him.

After all this time, I knew this was wrong. There had to be trust in a marriage. But I didn't trust him to do what he was supposed to be doing. I didn't treat him with respect because of the lack of trust. He wasn't fulfilling the role I thought he should be playing. Soon, I wondered if I even loved him. I prayed for God to help me love him. I knew God had a plan...and He could restore the love. I prayed Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.) We were approaching a disaster...I clung to the fact that God had a plan. I knew God could "fix" my husband because of Jeremiah 32:17 (O Sovereign Lord! You made the heavens and earth by your strong hand and powerful arm. Nothing is too hard for you!)

After that, as God is known to do, my epiphany struck. What is this wasn't about my husband? What if it was about me? What if God was using this situation to change me and make me more like Him? After that, I prayed harder. Show me Lord. Help me trust my husband.
After a while (a long while: 2 years), the husband was finally working again. But still, the trust wasn't there. I figured: about darn time!

After that, something happened to me. I had already been struggling with a hearing loss. It was progressive and getting worse over the last 5 years. But something happened in the spring and it took a really bad turn. I am now profoundly deaf. This is very upsetting, obviously. How on earth was life going to continue as normal? Perhaps God didn't want my "normal." My awesome husband stepped in and stepped up. He's made my doctor's appointments. He's called resources. He's dealt with all the issues that come along with a deaf wife. He's told me we'd figure this out together and do whatever it takes to manage.

After all of this, I find myself with the greatest sense of peace. After seeing this man demonstrate his love and commitment to me, my icy heart melted. I look at him and know he's there for me, and he's got me taken care of. I'm not sure when the trust snuck back into me...but it's there. I look at him and I know that I trust him absolutely and completely. I can't hear much with my ears...it's all muffled and garbled, but I'm learning to hear with my heart. I don't need ears to hear my heavenly Father, who has recently said, "Here is this man I have given you to love and to trust." After all these years, what a blessing.

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