My brother used to introduce me to new games...like "mercy." In mercy, you lock fingers together and basically inflict such pain, driving the other person to his/her (always her) knees...until she shouts, "Mercy!!" Ha! Glad we grew out of that. Thanks, Geoff!
Now that I am older, I have a different appreciation for mercy. Webster says mercy is " kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly." We often bring harsh consequences on ourselves...sometimes we really deserve them, too. BUT (how I love that word! How God uses "BUT" as a turning point to change EVERYTHING!!!) an overarching theme of scripture is the mercy of God: "O give thanks unto the Lord: for He is good, for His mercy endureth forever" (Ps. 136:1).
What are examples of mercy? Mercies can be kindnesses, compassion, fortunate circumstances, and blessings. There's an old hymn that says:
"Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."
So, here are some of mine:
1. Amazing husband and kids!
2. Kids all live pretty close.
3. Parents in great health and live close by.
4. School year started well and students are so nice!
5. Good friends.
6. Hearing restored with cochlear implant!!!!!!!
7. Good health.
8. Best country in the world!!
But some people are going through tougher times...and it's hard to figure out the mercy and blessings in that. To them, I offer a later stanza in this song:
So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
May you see God's mercy in a fresh way today!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Five Minute Friday: Last
This school year has started out with a series of lasts...
My son's last first day of school.
My last PTA curriculum night.
The last 18 years have totally flown by. I wish the little boy days had lasted longer. Now my sons are all nearly grown. I can't believe it's time to be searching for colleges for the last one.
But they cannot; it's not the natural order of things. Our love and relationships last, but childhood has a stopping point--for us, it's time to move on. And, really, that's ok...he's ready (I am not). He knows this. He knows I do not want him going far away for college. He also knows my love for him has me putting aside what I want and looking toward what he wants. He knows I'll help navigate the college journey. I am there for him...through all of his lasts (and my lasts).
My sons bring me such joy. I am a blessed mom.
Childhood doesn't last though. So, I cling now to something that does. The word of God: The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God lasts forever.”
So, as I bundle up my child for all the lasts he faces this year, I cling to a promise of God: "Train up a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."
If you are facing some "lasts," with your sons (and daughters), I hope you can share in the joys they are feeling. It's sad for us moms...we have been their suns and they, our planets...but this is the natural order of things...and the joy and love we've created in our little universe will last.
My son's last first day of school.
 |
| Last first day of school! |
The last 18 years have totally flown by. I wish the little boy days had lasted longer. Now my sons are all nearly grown. I can't believe it's time to be searching for colleges for the last one.
But they cannot; it's not the natural order of things. Our love and relationships last, but childhood has a stopping point--for us, it's time to move on. And, really, that's ok...he's ready (I am not). He knows this. He knows I do not want him going far away for college. He also knows my love for him has me putting aside what I want and looking toward what he wants. He knows I'll help navigate the college journey. I am there for him...through all of his lasts (and my lasts).
My sons bring me such joy. I am a blessed mom.
Childhood doesn't last though. So, I cling now to something that does. The word of God: The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God lasts forever.”
So, as I bundle up my child for all the lasts he faces this year, I cling to a promise of God: "Train up a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."
If you are facing some "lasts," with your sons (and daughters), I hope you can share in the joys they are feeling. It's sad for us moms...we have been their suns and they, our planets...but this is the natural order of things...and the joy and love we've created in our little universe will last.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Five minute Friday--lonely
On Fridays, I participate in a group blogging experience called "Five Minute Fridays." Come join us some Friday!
Today's topic is lonely. I think we've all felt lonely at one time or another. I'm so thankful for friends I can call when loneliness creeps up on me. Have you ever felt lonely when you're surrounded by a crowd? I've been thinking about our service men and women.
What must it be like, on the other side of the world, when you are in a crowd, but all alone? Some have access to computers, but all don't. Some get letters, but all don't. Some get packages, but all don't. How lonely they must be!
One of the most fulfilling groups I participate in is called West Point Moms Bake. This is an off-shoot of the West Point Moms group on facebook that I started five years ago (we have over 2000 moms!). Our baking group is much smaller. We have about 330 moms. We are in groups of 10...so 33 baking "teams." Each team gets the name of a soldier/sailor/airman and sends a big box of home-baked goodies, magazines, movies, personal items, holiday decor, etc.... So, 10 moms mail to the same person. Ten personalities, 10X the mom-love. Then, the recipient gets to share the love...he or she shares the goods with his/her unit/squad.
We get the best letters back! "Thank you, thank you," "You have no idea....," "We are so lonely...." Sometimes we don't hear back, and sometimes our boxes go to someone we don't know and we get letters like, "you don't know me, but I got this box...."
I love being a part of this group of moms. We can't fix "lonely," but we think of our own sons and daughters and we pay it forward. Each of us in her own way...just as our grandmothers knit socks, finds a way to support the war effort. Sometimes as we sit and contemplate how lonely we are for our own sons and daughters in the military, we can draw comfort as we help fix the "lonely" someone else's child is feeling, so far away from home.
Today's topic is lonely. I think we've all felt lonely at one time or another. I'm so thankful for friends I can call when loneliness creeps up on me. Have you ever felt lonely when you're surrounded by a crowd? I've been thinking about our service men and women.
One of the most fulfilling groups I participate in is called West Point Moms Bake. This is an off-shoot of the West Point Moms group on facebook that I started five years ago (we have over 2000 moms!). Our baking group is much smaller. We have about 330 moms. We are in groups of 10...so 33 baking "teams." Each team gets the name of a soldier/sailor/airman and sends a big box of home-baked goodies, magazines, movies, personal items, holiday decor, etc.... So, 10 moms mail to the same person. Ten personalities, 10X the mom-love. Then, the recipient gets to share the love...he or she shares the goods with his/her unit/squad.
We get the best letters back! "Thank you, thank you," "You have no idea....," "We are so lonely...." Sometimes we don't hear back, and sometimes our boxes go to someone we don't know and we get letters like, "you don't know me, but I got this box...."I love being a part of this group of moms. We can't fix "lonely," but we think of our own sons and daughters and we pay it forward. Each of us in her own way...just as our grandmothers knit socks, finds a way to support the war effort. Sometimes as we sit and contemplate how lonely we are for our own sons and daughters in the military, we can draw comfort as we help fix the "lonely" someone else's child is feeling, so far away from home.
Friday, August 2, 2013
What's your story-Five Minute Friday
I was recently asked, "Hogwarts or Narnia?" Easy: Narnia, hands down.
“Child" said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”
―
C.S. Lewis, The Horse and his Boy.
Why do things happen? What is the reason in this?? Sometimes life is so frustrating...we tend to forget we live with a promise from the creator of the universe: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Please note: it says "I know the plans." It does not say "I know the plans and if I gripe loud enough, God will tell me why." What I've found in my brief 50 years is that there's always a why. Why do we struggle with unemployment? To trust God's provision and to help others in the same boat. Why did this one get cancer? Does God hate her? No, but look at all those who were blessed by her during treatment....look at how many she is helping now that she is cancer free. Look at how God is glorified in her healing...or sometimes, look how many saw the love of God in her before she passed away. We don't get to know why...not when it's not our story.
Ten years ago I could hear. Totally.normal.hearing. Now I am profoundly deaf. It was a gradual, progressive loss. Most of it occurred in the last five years. In March, my ENT suggested I see a specialist for a cochlear implant. First I called the insurance company and they said not covered. Then I saw the specialist. His office called the insurance company and was told "not covered." They submitted for pre-authorization anyway, and it was approved. I had the surgery in early July and in late July I was activated (please read prior blogs for specifics on all of this...this is the short story!). Most activations are jumbled, garbled, outer-space chipmunky sounds. So was mine...for about 5 minutes. Then I heard voices (that sounded helium infused). The next day voices were nearly normal. A week post-activation, I am back to school (where I teach 8th grade language arts), and am having conversations with peers and attending (and hearing) meetings. This doesn't happen often in the world of implants...people get to this point after months or years. I am still profoundly deaf, but I hear using a cochlear implant.
Why did this happen to me? I don't know. Here is what I do know: as an 18 year old college freshman I decided to major in deaf education. I learned sign language and how to read an audiogram. I understand the ear and how it works and its dysfunctions. These tools were beyond valuable to me 32 years later as a deaf adult struggling to understand what was going on and how to communicate. Life is not a series of coincidences, where "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." NO! Our life is our story. I refuse to buy into the randomness theory. Will my story make a difference for someone else? I certainly hope so; that is why I tell it as opposed to hiding it. I'm excited to see the next chapter unfold because I am pretty sure I'm early in the book...and it's only going to get better.
What is your story? It's going to be good...because that's the promise: "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Thanks for listening to just a small piece of mine! I look forward to hearing yours!
Join us every Friday for worldwide blogging at Five Minute Fridays!
“Child" said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own.”
―
C.S. Lewis, The Horse and his Boy.Why do things happen? What is the reason in this?? Sometimes life is so frustrating...we tend to forget we live with a promise from the creator of the universe: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Please note: it says "I know the plans." It does not say "I know the plans and if I gripe loud enough, God will tell me why." What I've found in my brief 50 years is that there's always a why. Why do we struggle with unemployment? To trust God's provision and to help others in the same boat. Why did this one get cancer? Does God hate her? No, but look at all those who were blessed by her during treatment....look at how many she is helping now that she is cancer free. Look at how God is glorified in her healing...or sometimes, look how many saw the love of God in her before she passed away. We don't get to know why...not when it's not our story.
Ten years ago I could hear. Totally.normal.hearing. Now I am profoundly deaf. It was a gradual, progressive loss. Most of it occurred in the last five years. In March, my ENT suggested I see a specialist for a cochlear implant. First I called the insurance company and they said not covered. Then I saw the specialist. His office called the insurance company and was told "not covered." They submitted for pre-authorization anyway, and it was approved. I had the surgery in early July and in late July I was activated (please read prior blogs for specifics on all of this...this is the short story!). Most activations are jumbled, garbled, outer-space chipmunky sounds. So was mine...for about 5 minutes. Then I heard voices (that sounded helium infused). The next day voices were nearly normal. A week post-activation, I am back to school (where I teach 8th grade language arts), and am having conversations with peers and attending (and hearing) meetings. This doesn't happen often in the world of implants...people get to this point after months or years. I am still profoundly deaf, but I hear using a cochlear implant.
Why did this happen to me? I don't know. Here is what I do know: as an 18 year old college freshman I decided to major in deaf education. I learned sign language and how to read an audiogram. I understand the ear and how it works and its dysfunctions. These tools were beyond valuable to me 32 years later as a deaf adult struggling to understand what was going on and how to communicate. Life is not a series of coincidences, where "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." NO! Our life is our story. I refuse to buy into the randomness theory. Will my story make a difference for someone else? I certainly hope so; that is why I tell it as opposed to hiding it. I'm excited to see the next chapter unfold because I am pretty sure I'm early in the book...and it's only going to get better.
What is your story? It's going to be good...because that's the promise: "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Thanks for listening to just a small piece of mine! I look forward to hearing yours!
Join us every Friday for worldwide blogging at Five Minute Fridays!
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Joining the Borg: Activation Day
The longest stretch of time seems to be from implantation to activation. Steve, Scott, and I headed over bright and early and actually had no traffic. We got to Dunwoody early, so we stopped at Einstein Brothers for a bagel....but who can eat at a time like this?
I knew Advanced Bionics was sending a rep to my activation. My audiologist is pretty new; she's still great and well trained, but AB will send a rep if you'd like, and I thought it would be a good idea. I walked into Dr. B's office to be greeted by three smiling members of the AB team. Susan, the senior clinical specialist, would be assisting Katie (my audi), and the other two (Apryl and Teresa) would be watching. They said watching activations never gets old...kind of like a LDR nurse never tires of seeing a birth.
In we went to Katie's office, where I was connected to the computer. First she checked the electrodes by seeing if I could hear a series of tones (more like zydeco drums). Even though I had implanted my good ear, it had been silent for 3 weeks. It felt great to hear something on that side! After the tones, Katie and Susan configured the comfortable loudness level. Then, it was time to activate!
Honestly, I have felt all along I would have a good activation. Often people who are late deafened do. I tried to temper these thoughts with reality. But inside, I thought: everything in this hearing journey had felt like the hand of God had been on it. I really didn't think He'd brought me to this point to only hear mush.
So, the proverbial switch was flipped. People talked. I heard what sounded like what I'd imagine in a low budget sci-fi flick. I imagined the dash of the cheap space ship flashing with unintelligible garble. Eek...is this what I'm going to get? Rats...it wasn't going to be a rock star activation. =(
Everyone kept talking, then something kind of clicked. Wait! I heard that...that was like a word. Then another...then another. I heard words!! Granted, the words sounded like everyone had waaaay too much helium before speaking, but they were words!!! Susan did a word test, and I got more than I missed (broccoli?? who threw that word in??). Then I repeated several sounds--and I wasn't lipreading because she covered her mouth. Steve said he couldn't even hear what she was saying, but I COULD! We all talked and laughed! Then someone on the other side of the room said something and I understood! I haven't understood someone 6 feet away in years! At this point, there wasn't a dry eye in the room--pass the kleenex, thank you very much. I am a rock star!! (Alvin and the Chipmunks and Mickey Mouse are both stars...and if voices sound like theirs for a while, that's ok!)
On the way home, I was able to talk to Steve and Scott without looking at them. Wow! This is so cool. Scott tormented me by crumpling a roll of paper towels (just to see if I could hear it)...what an annoying sound.
Back at the house, I experimented with a variety of sounds most take for granted. Water is really loud! The dog laps water really loud. Salt in a shaker makes noise. The doorbell isn't broken...
I wanted to let my friends know my results...but I wanted to tell my mom first. Mom doesn't do facebook, so I picked up the phone (most CI patients cannot hear on a phone for a long time, but I have a caption phone). I was able to talk to my mom...and I didn't need the captions for most of the call. Using the phone on activation day just is unheard of...I truly was a rock star! My mom was overjoyed that we could have a phone conversation again...and there might have been some tears involved!
I sent a text to my best friend, Amy. I wanted to see if I could hear her voice, so I asked her to come over. We went to do a few errands. On the way, we could talk...and I heard nearly every word without looking at her mouth!
Last week I went to Hobby Lobby. I rang the wind chimes, hoping to find one I could hear. Only the one with the big pipes was a low enough tone that I heard it. So, Amy and I headed to the Hob Lob to give the chimes a ring. I closed my eyes and told Amy to ring something...and I heard it! In fact, I heard every chime in the store...because I rang every chime!!! A few women came around the corner and one said, "You seem to be enjoying yourself." (read: aren't you too old to be ringing the wind chimes like a little kid?) I said,"I am!! I got a cochlear implant and haven't heard wind chimes in years...today is my first time and I can hear them all!!" She got so emotional...she cried. (note to self: when someone is acting bizarre in public, there might be a good reason).
Next up: end of band camp show. I could hear some of what the band director said through the microphone--not all, not even most, but some. Before I would not have known someone was talking. The kids sounded great--and I was glad to have a volume control!
We went for a pizza afterwards. The restaurant was incredibly loud...miserably so. I put the volume as low as possible and ate fast. By the time I got home, I was on serious listening fatigue. I went to bed at 9:30.
Advanced Bionics has a forum for people to share info on cochlear implants. It's called Hearing Journey--because this is a journey. Activation day is just the start. Each day my hearing will improve and become more "normal," or at least, my new normal.
Thank you all for joining me on my journey!
I knew Advanced Bionics was sending a rep to my activation. My audiologist is pretty new; she's still great and well trained, but AB will send a rep if you'd like, and I thought it would be a good idea. I walked into Dr. B's office to be greeted by three smiling members of the AB team. Susan, the senior clinical specialist, would be assisting Katie (my audi), and the other two (Apryl and Teresa) would be watching. They said watching activations never gets old...kind of like a LDR nurse never tires of seeing a birth.
.JPG) |
| AB reps at activation |
Honestly, I have felt all along I would have a good activation. Often people who are late deafened do. I tried to temper these thoughts with reality. But inside, I thought: everything in this hearing journey had felt like the hand of God had been on it. I really didn't think He'd brought me to this point to only hear mush.
So, the proverbial switch was flipped. People talked. I heard what sounded like what I'd imagine in a low budget sci-fi flick. I imagined the dash of the cheap space ship flashing with unintelligible garble. Eek...is this what I'm going to get? Rats...it wasn't going to be a rock star activation. =(
Everyone kept talking, then something kind of clicked. Wait! I heard that...that was like a word. Then another...then another. I heard words!! Granted, the words sounded like everyone had waaaay too much helium before speaking, but they were words!!! Susan did a word test, and I got more than I missed (broccoli?? who threw that word in??). Then I repeated several sounds--and I wasn't lipreading because she covered her mouth. Steve said he couldn't even hear what she was saying, but I COULD! We all talked and laughed! Then someone on the other side of the room said something and I understood! I haven't understood someone 6 feet away in years! At this point, there wasn't a dry eye in the room--pass the kleenex, thank you very much. I am a rock star!! (Alvin and the Chipmunks and Mickey Mouse are both stars...and if voices sound like theirs for a while, that's ok!)
 |
| Scott, my videographer and love! |
Back at the house, I experimented with a variety of sounds most take for granted. Water is really loud! The dog laps water really loud. Salt in a shaker makes noise. The doorbell isn't broken...
I wanted to let my friends know my results...but I wanted to tell my mom first. Mom doesn't do facebook, so I picked up the phone (most CI patients cannot hear on a phone for a long time, but I have a caption phone). I was able to talk to my mom...and I didn't need the captions for most of the call. Using the phone on activation day just is unheard of...I truly was a rock star! My mom was overjoyed that we could have a phone conversation again...and there might have been some tears involved!
I sent a text to my best friend, Amy. I wanted to see if I could hear her voice, so I asked her to come over. We went to do a few errands. On the way, we could talk...and I heard nearly every word without looking at her mouth!
 |
| Amy and I in the wind chime section |
Next up: end of band camp show. I could hear some of what the band director said through the microphone--not all, not even most, but some. Before I would not have known someone was talking. The kids sounded great--and I was glad to have a volume control!
We went for a pizza afterwards. The restaurant was incredibly loud...miserably so. I put the volume as low as possible and ate fast. By the time I got home, I was on serious listening fatigue. I went to bed at 9:30.
Advanced Bionics has a forum for people to share info on cochlear implants. It's called Hearing Journey--because this is a journey. Activation day is just the start. Each day my hearing will improve and become more "normal," or at least, my new normal.
Thank you all for joining me on my journey!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I don't believe in coincidence
Five years ago I started a Facebook group for moms who have a cadet at West Point. It's grown a bit and now has 2000+ members. The information shared in the group led to Debbie and me writing The Mom's Guide to Surviving West Point. Old news, for many...but that leads to why I don't believe in coincidence. Over a year ago, Facebook came out with a new feature allowing you to "pin" a post to the top of a group page. You could make sure everyone saw an important notice. You could pin up to three posts. What they didn't tell you was that you must "unpin" the post before you delete it, or it counted against your three and you could not pin any new ones. You cannot unpin a deleted post. The last several months have been very frustrating as the admin team on the group (ok, it's grown, so now we have 15 moms who help with the group) tried unsuccessfully to contact facebook to fix this glitch. We wrote on the help page dozens of times. Nada. Last month, one of the moms in the group shared that her son's summer assignment was an internship at Facebook. We begged her to have him check into this...at least tell a real person in California our concerns and see if it could be addressed. The cadet started his internship last week and yesterday the problem was fixed. Yes, a West Point cadet fixed Facebook. Coincidence? | |
| Why I can't understand you.... |
Every day things happen in our lives....often things that we shake our fist at God and scream (or at least wonder), "Why???" And yet, here it is...stated clearly and succinctly: Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Now, here you are reading this today. Coincidence?
Sunday, July 21, 2013
I wanna be a Rock Star!
I am five days away from activation of my cochlear implant. I am so excited and terrified at the same time. Are my expectations too high? Are they reasonable? In the cochlear implant (CI) community, we have terms for the different types of activations: (Actually, we just made some of these up.)
1. Rock star--voices are clear from the moment it's switched on
2. Country music star-- every thing sounds a little bit twangy.
3. Marching band-- big sound but with a lot of background noise.
4. Bar music-- loud but cant make out the music or conversation
5. Electronic mush--a jumbled mess of unintelligible sounds
Obviously, I want to be a rockstar!!!
I've been thinking so much about sounds lately. Probably because post-surgery, I'm more deaf than ever. It's normal to lose residual hearing during surgery, so I am not surprised to be totally (I mean 0 sound) deaf in my left ear. Even with the new electrode, which should preserve some residual hearing, I have nothing. This is just a post op issue from swelling and blood accumulation. It should change when I am totally healed.
Here are some things I'm looking forward to hearing--after #1, no particular order:
1. Voices of my family & friends
2. Birds
3. Rain
4. Inquisitive students
5. Snarky students
6. Musical theater
7. The radio
8. The doorbell
9. Oven timer (no more deaf cookies--those are the ones I burn when I don't hear the timer)
10. Sermons
11. Tennis line calls
12. Cicadas and frogs
I've had several people tell me my journey could be the basis of a new book (my first book is linked here). For a while I thought, "No, there are too many CI stories out there." However, everyone's story is different. If my story makes a difference for someone and helps just a little, then it's worth telling. So, I guess this is me going public...that this fall, after activation, after starting school, after embracing the new common core curriculum, after starting sign language classes at GPC, after "helping" #3 son get his act together for college apps, after going to Rucker for Matt's pilot graduation, after...after...after...I will start my book! In the meantime, if you think about it and/or so inclined, please think happy thoughts and say a prayer for my activation on Friday. I wanna be a ROCKSTAR!
1. Rock star--voices are clear from the moment it's switched on2. Country music star-- every thing sounds a little bit twangy.
3. Marching band-- big sound but with a lot of background noise.
4. Bar music-- loud but cant make out the music or conversation
5. Electronic mush--a jumbled mess of unintelligible sounds
Obviously, I want to be a rockstar!!!
I've been thinking so much about sounds lately. Probably because post-surgery, I'm more deaf than ever. It's normal to lose residual hearing during surgery, so I am not surprised to be totally (I mean 0 sound) deaf in my left ear. Even with the new electrode, which should preserve some residual hearing, I have nothing. This is just a post op issue from swelling and blood accumulation. It should change when I am totally healed.
Here are some things I'm looking forward to hearing--after #1, no particular order:
1. Voices of my family & friends
2. Birds3. Rain
4. Inquisitive students
5. Snarky students
6. Musical theater
7. The radio
8. The doorbell
9. Oven timer (no more deaf cookies--those are the ones I burn when I don't hear the timer)
10. Sermons
11. Tennis line calls
12. Cicadas and frogs
I've had several people tell me my journey could be the basis of a new book (my first book is linked here). For a while I thought, "No, there are too many CI stories out there." However, everyone's story is different. If my story makes a difference for someone and helps just a little, then it's worth telling. So, I guess this is me going public...that this fall, after activation, after starting school, after embracing the new common core curriculum, after starting sign language classes at GPC, after "helping" #3 son get his act together for college apps, after going to Rucker for Matt's pilot graduation, after...after...after...I will start my book! In the meantime, if you think about it and/or so inclined, please think happy thoughts and say a prayer for my activation on Friday. I wanna be a ROCKSTAR!
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